A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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