Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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