I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
