not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
