last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
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