oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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