Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
