I'm so fucking centered right now
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I currently don't understand fingers.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
