Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
