also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
