what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
