Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
as a side note pls kill me
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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