you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
