Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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