Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
we're so committed to being not committed
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
