I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Randomize
