Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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