Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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