Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
