I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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