I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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