Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
