It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
