When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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