If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
