woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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