perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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