I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
