Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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