I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
