u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
