so let's talk penis.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
