so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Randomize
