Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize