I wanna passion pit in your ass
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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