I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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