Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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