I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
