i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
