You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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