Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
