I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
