Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
