one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
