so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
