I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
