well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
