You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
