best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
