party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize