well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
