i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You've changed since you got that strap on
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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