You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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