im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
