Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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