Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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