and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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