"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
