her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
