we're blogging at a bar
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
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