i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
