Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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