Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
