somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize