You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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