Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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