Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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