i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
