I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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