Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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