I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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