I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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