i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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